Mental Carpentry and Mindfulness

I want to nail those doors shut against the temptation to re-open them. I am learning that the most effective carpentry technique is to get to the source of why, despite all my best resolutions, I want to go back.

An example: I am currently addressing a temptation to blame others for what goes wrong (and “wrong” is my interpretation) in my life. I have made many vows. I have made conscious decisions that I no longer wanted to participate in the negative thinking lurking behind that door.

It was like a New Year’s resolution. You probably know how well these go. That virtuous conviction that feels so good when you first commit to whatever major change you’re absolutely going to make deflates like a New Year’s Eve party balloon no later than January 2.

I think that’s because the temptation has such a powerful pull. In my case, blaming people is easy. It absolves me of taking responsibility for my feelings, thoughts, and actions. As surely as someone who self-medicates with alcohol or drugs, I surrender personal responsibility.

In other words, escape lies behind that door, and sometimes escape seems irresistible.

Understanding Why

We forget that the behaviors we’ve shoved behind that door once served a purpose. We evolved them to solve a problem. In my case, I experienced some major upsets in a short period of time.

Like all (or most) people, when something goes wrong, I want to know why so that I can keep it from happening again. This is very necessary survival behavior for all species. The deer learns that a human carrying a long piece of metal represents great danger and may develop the ability to sense the threat before its life is endangered.

Humans are hampered by tangled emotions and thoughts directed by an ego with an agenda. This agenda often involves deciding who’s to blame. Survival behavior can be either to avoid this person forever or to fight back.

I was doing the latter—but only in my mind. The low-key chorus in the background sang, “He’s ruined my life, which is hopeless because of him. I want revenge.” And on and on. And I thought I was actually hurting someone other than myself.

Listening at Low Volume

I’m learning to let the chorus sing without getting caught up in its dramatic arias. That means being mindful. It’s owning a feeling without shame. In its ultimate form, it’s unconditional self-love.

And that, I believe, is where we want to be. In that state (I think; I’ll let you know when I’m there), all the doors to past emotions and behaviors can be swinging wide open, but they offer no temptation. We have experienced and accepted their existence. We have faced their darkness, and that allows in the light.

One Word for the New Year

While I’m aware that the New Year has been around long enough for even me to remember that I have to write 2016 on checks, it’s not to late to envision and mentally shape the future.

For 15+ years, I’ve been part of a writing group that meets online. For this week’s chat, the chat leader gave us the challenge of coming up with one word to describe how we plan to focus on whatever dreams and aspirations we have for 2016.

Her inspiration for this idea came from the web site below:

One Word 365

Their concept is that one word can replace a long list of New Year’s resolutions. I don’t think they’re the only one with this idea, as I saw a number of other sites with the phrase “One Word” in the title, but it’s a good starting point. You can see who else has chosen your word and join their tribe. You can also get help in picking out a word.

Without further ado, my word is “Presence.” This means I intend to be present to the moment, instead of being caught up in the past or the future.

If you like this idea, and you want to post your word, please do.

Martin Luther King Day

Probably one of the most inspiring speeches given in the past several decades is the “I have a dream” speech.

In my continuing musings about goals, plans, resolutions, and intentions, it occurs to me that dreams make the top of the list.

Nothing is more inspiring than a dream that pulls you toward it, leaving all your resistance, fear, and petty concerns behind.

Have a dream today—and every day.

New Year’s Intentions

This year I realized that the words “resolution” and “goals” didn’t excite me. I wanted a word that had movement and energy, so I chose “intentions.”

I also wanted a theme. I could have laboriously worked one out. Fortunately, my writer’s group, Artistic License, has a member, Marilyn, who’s a tarot expert. We’ve been critiquing the book, and the process (plus her brilliant and lucid explanations) drew me into a deep interest in tarot.

I decided to choose a tarot card that could be a key phrase for the year.

Here’s my card.

Ace of Wands: I am inspired.

This felt totally right. Thus, my overall goal is to increasingly act out of inspiration. In making choices, I will ask myself, “What inspires me?”

This will guide my writing choices, promotional and networking choices, and, most of all, life choices.

I intend to publish a book of advice for cats, for which I am the lowly conduit. The book is currently entitled Cats in Charge: A Guide to World Domination I am targeting April or May for publication and have compiled a list of bloggers/web sites whose owners review books about cats.

In August or September I will publish Book 4 of A Dragon’s Guide to Destiny, Book of Sorrows.

I will continue to work on a novel called Dystopia in Drag, intending a 2014 publication.

I thought the dragon series was over, but to my surprise, I got ideas for a fifth book. This one will be called (I think) The Rainbow Dragon.

As far as life choices, I realized that conscious intentions led to mindfulness, which leads to being in the moment. I couldn’t ask for a better guidance system for this year.

A fellow member of Artistic License, June Diehl, has also posted her intentions and tarot card selections. It’s a terrific post, and you can read it here..

New Worlds to Gain

As I noted in a previous entry, I’m beginning to set goals for the new year. Before formally doing so, I take time to imagine what I want. One thing I know is that an individual’s life doesn’t change until (s)he can imagine a different way of living.

In thinking about the future, I realized I could learn from my fictional characters. In the series, A Dragon’s Guide to Destiny, each main character is challenged to imagine a world very different from the one they know.

Melancholy Druid knows he’s the Dragon of Destiny, but he is sure he’ll fail to accomplish his purpose, in part because all humans have it in for him. Learning to trust a few humans and his own abilities will move him closer to his goal, but can he take that risk?

Tara, the Chosen Kitten, harbors a similar mistrust of humans. She also fears giant dragons. Can she imagine a world in which large and small, human and feline, can join forces?

Human Serazina has unlawful psychic gifts that could lead to her incarceration in the World for the Chronically Crazy (and that would be only the first of coming attractions). Although she must exercise those gifts for her world to be saved, she will have to risk her life to do so.

Phileas, Guardian of Oasis, lives in the tightest mental straightjacket of all, imprisoned by a rigid tradition of mental superiority that suppresses his emotional intelligence. Though he realizes that these limitations are jeopardizing the people he’s sworn to guide, he fears that a world in which emotions are fully expressed will be one of chaos.

Like Druid, I often doubt my ability to succeed. I also, like Tara, sometimes question the willingness of others to cooperate in the fulfillment of my dreams. In earlier years, I felt that my gifts and talents were unrecognized by society, and I regularly check to see if this belief is resurfacing. Likewise, I know it takes commitment to keep the creativity flowing.

Each of us may have different limitations in our ability to imagine a different world, but if we want our lives to accommodate our deepest desires and dreams, we need to imagine worlds that our new selves can happily inhabit.

I used to live in a world where my novels lived only in my computer. Before that situation could change, I needed to imagine a world in which they were published, read, reviewed, etc. Without these mental architectural drawings, I had no way to begin.

Now I’m thinking it’s time for me to make the stakes as high for myself as I do for my suffering fictional friends. That’s going to call for a lot of imagination.

And some inspiration. If you’re considering setting some high-stakes goals, you may benefit listening to the music that helped me write this blog.

Both are by John Lennon

Mind Games

Imagine

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year

I didn’t exactly make resolutions this year, although I have a multitude of goals. However, I received something wonderful in my email today, called 7 lovely logics. Here they are.

1. Make peace with your past so it doesn’t spoil your present.
2. What others think of you is none of your business.
3. Time heals almost everything, give the time, some time.
4. No one is the reason of your happiness except YOU yourself.
5. Don’t compare your life with others; you have no idea what their journey is all about.
6. Stop thinking too much; it’s all right not to know all the answers.
7. Smile, you don’t own all the problems in the world.

I plan to keep this on my desktop and read it regularly.

And speaking of regular, I will be posting more frequently, now that the holidays are over.

It’s the Year of the Dragon!